This morning I’m on my couch under a pink and black fleece blanket – a no-tie blanket I made when I was in high school. My coffee is almost gone, and it seems like the rain outside is falling harder than when I woke up.

The rain is a curious thing. When falling on a metal roof, it’s oddly calming – the repetitive patter is stark enough to wake up a sleeping person, yet monotonous enough to allow that person to drift back into a slumber. Here, I cannot detect it on the roof, but I can hear it landing on the concrete patio two stories down. I used to watch the little blips of water streak down the glass of the windows; they race to the bottom of the pane, and then dissipate along the edge. Some of the blips stay stuck in one place; I wonder why some choose to relocate while others stay right where they are.

Dreary days like these are when I have the most scattered thoughts. Bright and cheerful days bring me solace, gray and rainy days bring me reflection.

The freshness that comes with the rain is one of deliciousness – the heat and dryness of a sunny day is covered by clouds and drenched in perspiration. Some complain, but to me the stale air of a cloudless day can get to be suffocating; the sun can burn its underlingsĀ when left out too long. Rainless days spent in a natural environment give me uplifting ideas and cheerful storylines, sunless days spent inside watching Audrey Hepburn movies wipe my slate with sadness, contemplation, heartbreak, inspiration, and, strange enough, peace.

I know many people who are perfectly happy, and some who are perfectly sad. That is how they are; I am in no position to judge their place in life or decree that they are missing something necessary to complete their soul. I don’t think I am meant to be one or the other, or to be defined by any one adjective, emotion, or state of mind. I need balance: a balance of happy, gloom, anger, and hopefulness. I couldn’t live in perpetual sunshine, just like I would drown in constant rain. To be whole, there needs to be a balance between those days that are radiant, and those that are dreary.

 

 

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