The following is an incomplete list of lies that I have encountered in my short time here on Earth. Some are general, most are personal. Please, feel free to add any you have been made a victim of in the comments below.

Flossing

This past week, the Associated Press published a harrowing amount of information on how flossing is one big fat lie. The act of flossing has never been researched “as required” and there is no physical or physiological evidence to back up evil dentists’ claims that flossing does any good for your mouth and health (Wait, is it dangerous? Is it like a vaccine?!?). Finally, I can look my dentist straight in the eye when asked “How regularly do you floss?” and respond confidently “Not regularly at all!” And he will just sit there knowing that I know what he knows about the lie that is flossing.

Sleep Recommendations

You know how you can tell this one is a lie? Because of the “experts” changing their minds every few years about how much sleep we all need. When I was a kid, we needed, like, ten hours of sleep. Then as we got older we needed eight, and now it’s seven. According to the CDC, “1 in 3 Adults Don’t Get Enough Sleep.” When will this madness stop? Those two people are really giving that one individual a bad rap. Do we even need sleep? The answer to that is: no. A couple hours of napping will suffice; I’ll even introduce you to my old friends Coffee and Espresso to get you through the day. I’ve had three cups today and I’m feeling juuuuust fine!* Don’t give in to the lie! #boycottsleep (It took me forever to think of the word boycott…must need more coffee!)

English Majors Always Become/Want To Be Teachers

Sure, some people who study English in college do want to become teachers. And I was a peer tutor my senior year, and I know tutoring is definitely the same as teaching, but other than that I would not be qualified to be a teacher; legally, mentally, or emotionally. Teacher is a wonderful position to aspire to, that’s certainly not a lie, but please, don’t assume and definitely don’t choose between this lie and “You must be good at flipping burgers!” when speaking to your nearest English major.

 

Amazon is Great for Buying Books!

This is the ugliest lie. No, I cannot hate all of Amazon (I wish I could; ugh they are the worst!). Where else can I get excellent phone covers and emergency camera batteries for probably a way-too-cheap price? Nowhere! And I guess they are doing something with drones now, so that’s cool (or is it scary?)! But, I do not support their tactics with publishers and authors, so I will not buy a book from Amazon. Nope, not even a textbook. I don’t have many strong opinions or beliefs, but on this I am unwavering. Guess what, many bookstores have online stores you can order from! And *don’t even* with the price – value your authors, people! Value those who work hard to bring the books to us!

Freelancing = Working From Home = Not Really Working

This lie can also be filed under “All Millenials are Lazy” and “Technology is Only Bringing Distraction and Disconnection” and “Kids These Days Are Far Better Off Than We Were” and all of that detritus. First of all, plenty of adults freelance or work from home. And, just because lifestyles and work habits are changing, doesn’t mean individuals aren’t working harder. This lie, I’m positive, has torn families apart. I’m saying that in many cases freelancers can work harder and connect with more people/businesses/clients because they aren’t tied to a desk or an office all day long. I’m going to use a friend of mine as an example, because she’s awesome and has done so well as a freelancer thus far and is one of the hardest working people I know – here’s a plug for her website! Does the hatred and discontent towards freelancers stem from jealousy? Am I just *too millennial* to understand how great the “good old days” were? Or is this a side effect of aging and becoming more “wise?” – this dislike for change? I kind of hate change already…OH GOD it’s happening!


So there we have it. Lies, people, they are everywhere. Educate yourself, think before you speak, and for heaven’s sake, stop flossing already!


*I need some sleep.
**Thank you for reading this rant of mine. I needed to get it off my chest, and through the sarcasm I tried to make it a tad more serious to prevent it from being a string of meaningless attacks on those who think differently than I do.

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